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...
our own natures speak to us so strongly that it is often
impossible to believe that our way is not the only right
way. Equally, it is very difficult to imagine that others
have the same feelings about their “way.” Instead, we assume
that they simply need to gain a better understanding of our
true view of the world—and we tell them that over and over
and over. It doesn’t take, so we try harder. Then we begin
to categorize them as lazy/compulsive, too plodding/too
dreamy, too cool/too emotional, etc. Strangely enough, this
doesn’t make things better.
Most happy
families, although they have probably never encountered temperament
theory, nevertheless share a respect for differences that makes it
possible for each person to feel valued and accepted. With that, they
have worked out ways to solve difference-based conflicts that work
reasonably well for everyone—thus, they learn to compromise.
We could
describe them in another way—in their outward behaviors. Most happy
families:
Have fun doing things together
Share rituals and traditions that they value, together
Talk to one another with enthusiasm
Find things to laugh about together
When family
life is in an upward spiral, all of these values and behaviors act on
each other. Having fun together, talking, laughing, sharing traditions,
all clearly increase each person’s drive to resolve conflict, but
respect, tolerance, and caring effort make it much more probable that
you will have happy times together. We hope the view of temperament that
we have explored throughout this book will help you to better see the
world through one another’s eyes. The simple truth is—most of all—happy
families like one another.
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