|
Note: Most of this chapter is devoted to exercises
designed to help your child strengthen behavior on the
non-preferred side. The below is an introduction to
the chapter.
Part I. Thinking
about Strong Preferences
Nurture and Nature Interacting. As we have
said in other chapters, tendencies toward one preference side or the
other have roots in genetic differences. What happens next is that we
naturally choose to go with our preferred behaviors, so these are more
practiced from the beginning. Cuddly babies seek their mother’s and
father’s arms more often, and make more eye contact early on. Active and
curious babies squirm to be put down early on.
In that sense, children begin creating their own
environments as early as they are able to make choices. The Introverted
child plays contentedly alone, and the Extravert seeks company. In going
their separate ways, each of these children begins to develop different
strengths, and sometimes fails to develop the complementary strengths of
the opposite preference. Added to this, parents, wanting to see their
children content and happy, often go out of their way to provide the
environment that their child seems to prefer. In these ways, the child’s
nature begins to influence the surrounding environment. This will be
most true when the genetic push is very strong from the beginning and/or
when preferences of those closest to the child are very similar and thus
especially encouraged.
Is there a downside to this? If you found that
your ratings for your child on one or more sets of preferences were
extremely strong (nearly all in one direction), it suggests that they
may be making relatively little use of their non-preferred side. In the
real world, no matter where you prefer to be and where you feel most
comfortable, there will be times when you need the skills related to the
less-preferred side. This certainly complicates parenting by
temperament. The best way to help your child develop can be something of
an art form. On the one hand, you need to respect the child’s innate
temperament patterns, and work with those, rather than against them.
That is the major theme of this book. At the same time, however, you
also would be wise to help your child develop some of the basic skills
of the opposite preferences.
|
