Volume I and Volume II: How They Differ in Emphasis
Volume I really emphasized the temperament
of the child. We looked at the meaning of temperament and the way that
questionnaires are constructed and then went directly into measuring
preferences, temperament, and type in children. From there we explored
the descriptions of temperament families and specific types. We finished
by looking at very mild preferences, effects of developmental stages on
preferences, and ways to observe preference behavior when some doubt
remains. We also looked at the possibility that very strong preferences
suggest a need for some “skills development” on the non-preferred side,
and discussed ways to do that.
Volume II concentrates on parents. We
included the Adult Estimator in Volume I and the adult preference
tables. Now we will look at this in much more detail. The Adult
Estimator is again here in Chapter 2 for anyone who did not take
it before, and the adult preferences are discussed in this volume in
much greater detail. Following this--as was true for the child in Volume
I--you can go directly to your temperament family (somewhere in chapters
4-7) and your specific type.
In Part II of this volume, we turn to parenting practices.
Chapter 8 in that section looks at the best
research consensus on ideal ways to parent. We greatly respect that
research advice, but we are also certain that you have to accommodate
those ideas to the person you actually are. The advice on ideal
parenting also assumes a common ideal outcome. The child will be
considerate and compassionate, but also strong and independent-minded.
He or she will be accomplished and skillful, but also imaginative and
open-minded. Similarly, this child will be well-organized but flexible.
You, on the other hand, depending on your own
temperament, may tremendously value compassion, but not be deeply
committed to independent-mindedness in your child, or vice versa. You
may strongly value organization, but not really give much thought to
flexibility (or again, just the opposite). Therefore, in Chapter 9
we ask you to give serious thought to your own expectations. We believe
that it is useful and important to make these expectations conscious,
and to think about the implications for your own parenting.
In Chapter 10 we ask you to think about
how temperament affects your actual parenting style, and to look at that
parenting style. We offer what we call “stretching” exercises to help
you move closer to the ideal model, wherever you feel comfortable in
doing that. At the same time, we stress that there is nothing gained by
attempting radical changes that simply do not fit the person you are. It
is very important to understand your own needs and values, and stay
within what we think of as your “temperament comfort zone.” At the same
time, if there are serious areas of parent-child conflict that are
disturbing your parent comfort zone, you may find that some
stretching toward the model may be in order.
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